Friday, September 9, 2011
It seems like just about every week lately there's a movie in wide theatrical release that clearly doesn't deserve the hefty cost of theatrical distribution and marketing. 'Columbiana' certainly fell in that category, as a film that should have gone straight to DVD. And without question 'Seven Days in Utopia' belongs on the Hallmark Channel. And this film has late night cable written all over it. The only thing missing is Eric Roberts or Robert Davi.
Tom Hardy plays a teacher and family man who's about to lose his house to foreclosure. But fortunately he has an aptitude for ultimate fighting. Joel Edgerton plays his estranged brother, formerly of the military, who also has a knack for beating people's brains in. And Nick Nolte plays their estranged former alcoholic father, who wasn't a very good dad but at least can train his son like nobody else in this sport of brutality. Oh joy, what a great family bonding moment.
OK, I will admit that I'm not a UFC guy. Or a boxing guy. Or a martial arts guy. I just don't get the art of two guys beating the crap out of each other in any format, and particularly not in this even less civilized version of boxing. But that aside, I'm a sucker for a good movie on any topic, and 'Rocky', 'The Karate Kid', and 'Cinderella Man' are some of my favorites. But this? This is C-grade stuff. Hardy and Edgerton are on par with the aforementioned Roberts and Davi, and Nolte is no Burgess Meredith. And frankly, anyone who doesn't see exactly where this film is going has either never seen a movie before, or doesn't deserve to see one again. And at two hours and 19 minutes, it's just too freaking long. I wanted to tap out at the 60 minute mark.