Friday, May 18, 2012

Battleship


This has easily been the worst week at the movies of the year.  And if there's one thing that gets my goat more than every movie being a sequel, prequel, remake, reboot, or update, it's that studios are now resorting to toys and games as their inspiration.  It's the antithesis of creativity.  And even more infuriating is how successful they are at doing so!  (Has anyone heard of those little seen 'Transformers' movies?)  Well, now we finally get that feature film version of the board game we all played as children.  Say it with me: Oh joy.

Taylor Kitsch is back on screen again just 11 weeks after stealing two and half hours of my life with 'John Carter'.  And, if possible, he has even less screen presence in this one.  He's easily my least favorite new go-to actor.  (Congrats Channing Tatum, you just went up a rung.)  Kitsch plays a long haired bar hound who cleans up his act when his brother convinces him to join the Navy.  And thank the Lord, because otherwise who else would save the world when aliens arrive to take over the planet?!?  (Oops, I should have said spoiler alert.)  The cast is terrible, the story is cliche, the dialogue is laughable, and the first half hour before the aliens arrive is unbearable.  Oh, and don't see the film simply because you're a Liam Neeson fan.  I can't recall a bigger waste of talent in recent history.  His role is a glorified cameo.

Please, please, please don't spend your hard earned cash and waste your time seeing this movie.  You're much better off revisiting 'Independence Day'.  I really hope people stay home this weekend because I really can't deal with the idea of 'Connect Four: The Movie'.  (Diagonally!  Pretty sneaky, sis.)

Grade: D 

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